


Blind Journey

by Ms31x129



Series: Never Again [2]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Episode: s04e13 Never Again, F/M, Mulderbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-10 22:51:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18417521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ms31x129/pseuds/Ms31x129
Summary: He hesitates to wash his hands - is he imagining that her scent still lingers on the fingers of his right hand? He can almost hear Scully asking him if he knew how many different germs are left on public surfaces.Fuck it, he's not ready to lose that connection just yet.





	Blind Journey

Mulder stops to fill up the gas tank, grabbing a few bottles of water some sunflower seeds and a ham and cheese deli sandwich. All this is loaded into the car, before he uses the restroom. He hesitates to wash his hands - is he imagining that her scent still lingers on the fingers of his right hand? He can almost hear Scully asking him if he knew how many different germs are left on public surfaces.

Fuck it, he's not ready to lose that connection just yet.

Back on the road, driving south Mulder replays their heated conversation over in his head. He knows he blundered, his sarcasm in full force, he can’t really pinpoint a specific reason. Frustrated at the forced vacation? Shocked when Scully wandered away during his questioning of the informant at the Vietnam Memorial? Scully’s attention to detail is so much a staple of her work ethic - it was actually quite vexing to him. Sexual frustration? Still - 

_ “That’s your assignment while I’m gone. I want you to run an INS check and a Bureau NCIC check on these individuals. All of whom now reside in the “Little Russia” section of Philadelphia. I’ve also made arrangements for travel so you can administer eye-to-eye surveillance on their activities.” _

" _I’m not going.”_

_ “What do you mean?” _

He’d sat across from her as she relayed her ‘Rocky and Bullwinkle’ summary. He’d watched her lips and was aroused.

_ “So you’re refusing an assignment based of the adventures of Moose and Squirrel? _

_ “Refusing an assignment? It makes it sound like your my superior.” _

Jesus, Scully! He’d stood anger taking hold as he stomped to the file cabinet. Yes, they are partners, but the fact is he’s the senior agent of the department. He can delegate tasks to those agents assigned to him. Where is this coming from? He trusts her, completely.

_ “Do what you want. Don’t go to Philadelphia. But let me remind you that I worked my ass off to get the files reopened. You were just assigned. This work is my life.” _

_ “And it’s become mine.” _

Devastation rippled through him so quickly. What’s she saying? Scully what are you saying? 

_ “You don’t want it to be?” _

Please don’t say it. Please don’t leave.

_ “This isn’t about you. Or maybe it is, indirectly. I don’t know. I feel like I’ve lost sight of myself, Mulder. It’s hard to see, let alone find in the darkness of covert locations. I mean, I wish I could say that we were going in circles, but we’re not. We’re going in an endless line - two steps forwards and three steps back. While my own life is ... standing still.” _

He didn’t want to to say it, but the words crept past his lips unhindered.

_ “Well, maybe it’s good that we get away from each other for a while.” _

No dammit, no! It’s not good. He has a horrible feeling everything will change.

_ “Where will you be?” _

_“Ironically enough, it’s personal. It’s a … place I always wanted to go. What I anticipate to be a spiritual journey. I hope to … discover something about myself. Maybe you should do the same."_  

He’d left the room and immediately wanted to turn around and go back in, but he didn’t. Instinctively he’d sought the darkness and waited for her. He didn’t have a plan, but when she’d fallen into his arms … nature, instinct took over.

The memory was powerful, his erection instantaneous, he pulled over to the side on the mountain road he was travelling on. He hadn’t seen any cars in the last 10 minutes and he hoped it continued. 

Mulder flung his jacket over his lap and grabbed a handful of napkins. Unsnap, unzip - his erection in his right hand, hard so hard. The hand that had delved under her skirt, into her panties - fingers gliding and circling along her clit. His longest finger burrowing into that tight hot channel...Scully. Oh God! Scully! Stroking twice, no three times almost there. 

She’d been so wet and hot. Scully! She’d come apart in his arms and screamed his name into the hand muffling her mouth. Mulder! Head thrown back, eyes squeezed shut, heart pounding as on the fourth upward stroke it happened the orgasm hits him.

It’s powerful, exhilarating - yet draining, he feels weak. He throws the napkins with drying dead sperm soaking them away and tucks his spent penis back inside the fly of his jeans - carefully zipping and snapping. 

Reaching into his jacket pocket he finds the little bottle of hand sanitizer Scully slipped in there one day. She’d joked that with his penchant for sticking his fingers in ‘evidence’ it’d be a good idea to have a bottle when water and soap weren’t available. He opened the cap the strong antiseptic smell makes his nose twitch, squirting a little into his hand he rubs away Scully’s DNA and his own.

He get out of the car with his phone in hand and started dialing.

_ “Oh, hey… Scully, it’s me… I-I’m just calling to see how you’re doing, and uh… Give me a call on my cell when you get a chance… Just let me know where you’re at…” _

The call drops, the signal gone. What more could he say ...

He questions his actions and her reactions. Why did he do it? Why now? He knows she climaxed in his arms, but how much of that was a natural physical response vs. a direct response to it being him? She could have pulled away, said no - he’s never forced a woman in his life. Is that what he did?

Getting back in the car he realizes he feels adrift in more ways than one their seeming unspoken communication when questioning a suspect, when working a case is broken. Their verbal communication is even worse… 

Why didn’t she say no or stop?

He sighs before pulling back out on the road. Maybe he should get used to it again… being alone. It’s the vision he always had of the future, finally finding his sister, looking for proof of the unknown yet trying to bring justice to as many victims as possible, until he was finally fired for good or possibly dead.

Until Scully strolled into the basement office - he didn’t think it could be any other way… 

He wants to be wrong about that old vision.

Please be wrong.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to @CultureIsDarkBeer for the beta.


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